Mirror mirror on the wall…..
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the most fattest of them all?
FLASHBACK
About a year ago Dave and I decided to spend an afternoon at the mall. I needed a new pair of jeans so we headed to the jean place first. I wanted to find a cheap pair because I "was not planning on staying at that size for long". We both entered the store with smiles on our faces, I was happy to get a new pair of jeans, and Dave was happy that I was happy. There were so many options to chose from, I hoped I'd find what I was looking for. I grabbed a few pairs and Dave grabbed a few pairs and we headed back to the dressing room. He waited out side while I stood in front of the mirror and undressed. I immediately rolled my eyes at myself and thought something negative. I tried on the first pair….and it didn't fit. They were too tight. I came out with a frown on my face . Dave was on eggshells as he awaited my response (he had been through this before). He waited for me to comment and after my response he sat still with a smile on his face afraid to say the wrong thing. I went back into the dressing room with a little bit of hope. I still had quite a few pairs to try on so I wasn't out of luck…yet. I tried them on one by one, and one by one, I found something about my body that looked bad in the jeans. My butt looks big, my waist is fat, my thighs are too big…on and on. Each time I looked in the mirror I would get more frustrated and more upset with myself. The more I tried on, the more upset I got. The negative thoughts flowed abundantly. After I tried on my final pair I had had it. I closed the dressing room door and started crying,I was really upset. Upset with the mirror, mad at the person looking in it, annoyed at the jeans, disgusted with my body, and some how bugged by my husband. Why my husband?? I honestly don't , my best guess is I needed someone to take it out on? I wiped away my tears, and changed into my old jeans. Red eyed and empty handed, we left the store.
Dave tried to cheer me up and tell me it was alright. He laughed and joked and tried to make me feel better. I didn't work. The rest of the afternoon was ruined (by me of course). I was too upset to have fun. I felt fat, ugly, disgusting..did i mention fat?? I repeated these thoughts over and over in my mind. I believed them. I didn't want to shop. I didn't want to do anything. My attitude was no fun, not to mention no good. Not for me and not for Dave. We went home and I honestly can't remember what happened after that.
FLASH FORWARD
Last weekend I wanted a new pair of jeans. Friday night Dave and I headed to the mall. I had forgotten all about the incident above until we walked into the same jean store. We picked out several pairs just as we had done 10 months before and I headed back to the dressing room. When I walked into the dressing room I looked in the mirror and admired my cute outfit. I even threw myself a mental compliment. I tried on the first pair and they were skin tight. I came out of the dressing room and showed them off to Dave prancing around the back area of the store being a nerd. We laughed and both agreed that they were way too tight. I didn't care. I went back into the dressing room and looked into the mirror and before changing out of those skin tight skinny jeans I threw myself another compliment… "my calf's look great in these" (ya they were that tight). I took them off and tried on the next pair. The next pair fit better than the last but still did not fit quite right. I showed Dave and he pointed out the area that didn't look right and I agreed. It didn't bother me. I went back into the dressing room to take them off and while doing so I looked in the mirror again. A big smile came across my face as I remembered that day ten short months ago. I remembered how I felt and now how I feel. I remembered how I acted and now how I act. I remembered mentally beating myself up and now how I intentionally build myself up. I remembered how I focused on only the negative and now how I only focus on the positive. This time when I looked in the mirror I saw a different person looking back. I saw someone strong, confident and happy. After buying a super cute pair of jeans, Dave and I with smiles on our both faces walked out of the store and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
Yesterday you may have read the email I sent Catlin, it was my experience with my first Operation Beautiful note.
Here it is:
"I started out on my journey to healthy living a little over 10 months ago. When I started trying to change I didn’t believe in myself, didn’t think I could do it, and it was ALL ABOUT the ". When I decided to make a change in my life and kick everything negative and unhealthy, I really tried to focus on positive thinking and telling myself things that I didn’t at first think were true.
As time went on some of those things started to become easier and easier to say. I found your blog through Angela’s and then I found Operation Beautiful. I thought Operation Beautiful was such a great idea, and I knew from what I had been doing the few months before, that this would only add to my progress and help me truly believe in myself. Women are so hard on themselves and do not give themselves the credit they deserve!
After posting my first Operation Beautiful note, I felt amazing. I felt strong and I believed what it had said. I knew that I was beautiful and that I did deserve to believe it, and anyone who read what I had wrote should feel the same way about themselves. It was me and only me who had been holding myself back all this time. I was my own worst enemy and I didn’t even know it.
After I finally believed in myself, my life changed in every single way. Operation Beautiful was a stepping stone for me and something I’ll always remember!"
Girlies….this is so true. I can personally testify to this. You have to believe in yourself to make positive life changes. We should all believe, love, and respect ourselves. Although my story may be extreme, when compared with yours, I know every woman can relate on some level.
It is up to you. It is up to me. It is up to all of us. WE must take the initiative. WE must grab a hold of ourselves and decide to take control. It all starts with YOU. There are millions of women out there who don't believe in themselves. Millions of women who are way too hard on themselves and have a negative self image. I want more than anything to take these women by the hand and tell them how beautiful they are, tel them they are worth it.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I challenge YOU, whether you are a positive Polly, a negative Nelly or an iggy in-between 
…Take a moment to think about your inner dialogue. What message are you sending yourself? Your inner dialogue truly effects you who you are and who you will become.
At the risk of you all thinking I'm a complete nerd….I want you to say the following with me as you read.
"I am worth it". Did you say it? Try again, this time out loud….ready on 3??1, 2, 3……
"I AM WORTH IT"! " I AM WORTH IT"!!
It's true. You are worth it!
Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all….YOU ARE and its about time you believe it!! xoxoxoxo
Leave a comment and tell me one thing you love about yourself!!
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Biz on 2009.09.29
I loved reading this post! Possibly my favorite line:
"I remembered mentally beating myself up and now how I intentionally build myself up."
We all have to be our own cheerleaders!! You have come so far, not only physically, but mentally and typically the two have to go hand in hand.
I've always liked my calves – and my green eyes!
Biz´s last blog ..Windy with a low of 42 degrees!
Julia on 2009.09.29
Thanks for checking out my blog. This was such a beautiful post. I had a similar experience shopping the other day. It's amazing what a positive attitude and a different outlook will do for trying on clothes.
I can't wait to read more!
Julia´s last blog ..Mondays Can be Fun Days Too!
brandi on 2009.09.29
thanks for sharing this story! and what an awesome transformation
christie, honoring health on 2009.09.29
Wow, great post! You have come such a long way! Thanks for sharing this with us!
christie, honoring health´s last blog ..This is the plan, Stan
VeggieGirl on 2009.09.29
Fabulous story!! Thank you for your honesty and for sharing.
Cindy on 2009.09.29
NICE NICE JOB! and isn't it so true how we beat oursleves up..
my last jean shopping trip was for a pair of MEN'S 501's (to replace a pair of my husbands that I had adopted (stolen) they were his jeans from yesteryear and very small…they used to fit me like a glove; but after many years of stress and comfort eating…and a pregnancy…they, of course were no where close…until now.
well, long story short we can't find them and I wanted another pair so we were off to get one. I got the same size and than ran off to the girls side of the store to try em on!
LIKE A GLOVE and NEVER EVER EVER have I EVER enjoyed pant/jean shopping like I did that day (and forever more)
I am so glad you left note…I should do that too
and great post!
Cindy´s last blog ..Whip It!
Catie on 2009.09.29
i love love this post!!!!!! i was just going through this today. i was at yoga and there are mirrors on one wall. We all had to face that way. And I was looking at my form making sure i was doing it right. And right away my eyes went right to my stomach. I am trying my hardest to love my stomach and to keep telling myself it is getting flater and it is much stronger then it was 5 months ago. right after I looked at my stomach I complimented myself about my hair looking cute today and the fact that I looked great today even though i wasn't wearing any make up.
i think i am an in-between girl. sometimes i feel great about my body. and other times i hate how it all looks. i read all the time in my fitness magazines to love myself from within and out and then i will start to see changes in myself, but somedays when everything else is going wrong it is just too hard to do.
Thank you so much for posting this and telling how you honestly felt while shopping for yourself. i love it!
Maggie on 2009.09.29
I love this post! I'm still working on mentally building myself up… but it's getting so much easier
Maggie´s last blog ..San Francisco Eats
Beth @ DiningAndDishing on 2009.09.29
Great post! I'm sure many, many women can relate. I find it always helps to put on some make-up, brush my hair etc before going shopping. If I feel good walking in, chances are I'll feel good while I'm trying things on, even if something isn't perfect first try.
Beth @ DiningAndDishing´s last blog ..Sleepy Head
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is on 2009.09.29
This is such an awesome post! Love it.
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is´s last blog ..Grown-Up Chores I Hate.
Chloe (Naturally Frugal) on 2009.09.29
I just read through your About Me and I have to say that your life was also my life. Your struggles with yo-yoing, the negative thoughts, working out and then stopping for long periods of time, over and under eating. And the last part that really hit home was your paragraph about viewing your Mom doing the same thing. That is me. I am you. My mother is your mother.
I believe that we can overcome what was laid out for us when we were younger. I believe that through positive thinking, acknowledgement of our faults, and healthy lifestyles that we will not have to put our daughters through the same agony. Although I still struggle with negative self talk and feed my emotions more than I should, I am working on treating myself better and have grown leaps and bounds since my turning point about 2 years ago. Thank you for writing your story.
Chloe (Naturally Frugal)´s last blog ..Alaska Part Four: The Coldest Day
Karyn on 2009.09.29
AMAZING POST! thanks for sharing it
Karyn´s last blog ..Working hard…
Courtney on 2009.09.29
Yay! What an amazing post! I loved it. I think it is a great message to get out there, that we don't have to buy into the negative self talk. I love that my body was strong and healthy enough to get me through my first triathlon this past weekend. Regardless of how I looked in a swimsuit, I love that I did it! I was scared to post the pics on my blog at first. All I could think was, ugh, look at my thighs in that pic. Then I thought to myself, YOU DID A TRIATHLON and that is what the people want to see! No one is looking at your thighs and thinking "what a fatty" they are looking at the pics and thinking you are brave and strong to try and do a tri!!! So there stupid negative talk! Take that!! :>
Courtney
Adventures in Tri-ing
Courtney´s last blog ..Feels like it’s my birthday!
Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers on 2009.09.29
awesome post. i'm so glad you've come such a long way to self acceptance. it's so, so easy to be critical of ourselves rather than grateful. even though we have areas of our bodies we don't like as much, it's important to remember that those areas are truly part of us and make us unique and wonderful. thank you for reminding me of this today.
Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers´s last blog ..My Number One Tip for Resisting Cravings: Don’t!
Stephanie on 2009.09.29
You rock girlie – great post! I think that women have a hard time really actually feeling like they are worth it, and they overcompensate with excessive eating, exercising, dieting, you name it… when in actuality women are amazing — we can multitask like no other — I mean how many of us (1) have a job or go to school (2) take care of a house i.e. keepin' it clean, etc (3) plan healthy meals for ourselves/others each week including shopping and cooking (4) balance our family and friends (5) take care of a pet (6) write a blog — I mean that is an incredible list of things to tackle and we all do it!!! And we look incredibly beautiful while doing so as well
I think we should all take a second and look in the mirror and realize that we are ALL amazing in our each and own individual ways!
Stephanie´s last blog ..Eating peanut butter under my desk?
Jocelyn on 2009.09.29
I love this post girl! I have so been that girl in the change room crying and breaking down…several times
It hurts bad and scars are deep. but we can bounce back and learn how to be positive! One thing I love about myself…my ability to bounce back from a *mistake* or a *binge* or a *bad day* I say tomorrow is a new day and I get back on track!
Cara (Cara Craves...) on 2009.09.29
I am super happy that you stopped by my blog so that I had the chance to check yours out!
Can I just say, your blog is gorgeous
I look forward to reading more…looks like have have lots of awesome stuff on here.
Cara (Cara Craves…)´s last blog ..Simple, yet Delicious
Morgan on 2009.09.29
What a great post! I think this should become more mainstream thinking!
I love my freckles. I don't know why people try to cover them up, I think they are great! I also love my eyes, and my shoulders and back, which are strong from years of swimming!
Morgan´s last blog ..Dangerously Delicious
homecookedem on 2009.09.29
I really, really needed this today! Had one of those days…
I'm so happy you're in such a better place today!! I love these uplifting posts!!
My favorite part of myself is my hair!
homecookedem´s last blog ..Oatmeal Dinner
Pam (Pamcakes and Eggs) on 2009.09.29
I actually just came across your blog the other day too!! Through Healthy Tipping Point I think. I really enjoy your writing style and will continue reading!
Pam (Pamcakes and Eggs)´s last blog ..Great Race 10K Recap
alex on 2009.09.29
Wow- saying 'I am worth it' made tears come to my eyes. So powerful. My favourite part of myself is my feet. Odd, I know!
Shannon on 2009.09.29
What a great post! It is incredibly inspiring to read about your journey. Thanks for checking out my blog. I will look forward to following along with yours!
-Shannon
kay (eating machine) on 2009.09.29
trying on jeans always either puts me in the best mood (look! I'm so cute in EVERYTHING) or the worst mood (I have the weirdest body! why won't anything fit?!)… I'm glad you had a good one!
i love shopping with my fiance because anything i put on he'll tell me looks perfect
kay (eating machine)´s last blog ..Toddler Time!
Maria on 2009.09.29
Awesome post! I'm so glad to hear about your major improvement. How you view yourself and the world completely changes the quality of your life, for sure! And trying on clothes, especially jeans, can be a bit traumatizing for those who are perfectionist. No body is perfect! Yay for realizing that and accepting your body
Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog!
Madeline on 2009.09.29
Isn't it amazing how much an article of clothing can affect our mood for an entire day, or even week? I don't know if it is just that I'm older and wiser, or if working out and eating healthy just makes me feel good in my skin (I'm thinking it's a little from column A and a little from column B), but I am totally with you on the fact that I can just buy what fits and what I feel good in and not care about what the size on the label says.
Oh, and I love my scary leg muscles. Even though sometimes I think "yikes, women shouldn't get definition like this" it still makes me proud that I can!
Madeline´s last blog ..biggest loser night = stuffing my face in front of the tv
MJ (Dubai Dossier) on 2009.09.29
Great post! Sometimes when I'm at yoga I find myself looking in the mirror and thinking my body isn't perfect enough to be doing yoga. "I'm not as thin as everyone else." But then when I can get through certain challenging poses it's a reminder that you only get one body and when it works hard for you, you should proud!
MJ (Dubai Dossier)´s last blog ..The Fairer Sex ?
Sophia on 2009.09.29
Oh…I LOVED this post! Oh my God you could not have posted this at the most opportune time because though I'm the opposite in weight issues, it HITS me so hard because I am really dealing with beauty issues as well…I admire the fullness and radiance in other girls, their curvy, womanly bodies, their big eyes, lovely features, etc…and I despaired that I would ever get over this petty vanity…
You have given me hope that it IS possible to be confident of myself, no matter how I look. The choice IS in me, and I CHOOSE to look at the mirror and see myself as the fairest of them all!
Thank you SOO much for this post!
Sophia´s last blog ..Message from my English Student
Lizzy on 2009.09.30
Your amazing! truly an inspiration to us all. I've had many instances of my own being in a dressing room, and mentally beating myself up because of how awful i thought i looked. Its been a journey getting to where i am today, but knowing that i'm not alone in this world makes me feel better! we are ALL BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING ladies. i love that we can get words of encouragement whenever we need it!
Your story is one for the books. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Lizzy´s last blog ..bed side coffee
Sister on 2009.09.30
Awesome Post! I had THE EXACT same experience when I went Birthday shopping this year! we are so much a like it is funny! I want you to know that I think about your blog all the time and try to use it to help me be more positive about myself. I even told Jared the other day, when I said he looked cute and he disagreed, I said, Natalie's blog said you have to tell yourslef positive things so you will believe it! Thanks for inspiring us all to be better!
katecooks on 2009.09.30
the power of positive thinking — its so true! sometimes i get down on myself, and who doesnt i guess…but even though sometimes you might just need to be in a stinky mood for five minutes, it's just SO silly to let negative things YOU tell YOURSELF ruin your night or week or month or YEAR. because it can happen! good job making the experience fun for you two instead of an awkward, difficult night
fitforfree on 2009.10.01
Thanks for the comment on my blog hun.
Erghh thing I love about myself . . . I'm not too hard on myself anymore, and I don't "put off my life" until I look a certain way anymore!
What an awesome post!! I hope I feel that way in a dressing room someday
This was not an easy post to write. « Color Hungry on 2009.10.07
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