I'm sure you've all heard that Caitlin from Health Tipping Point  is writing an Operation Beautiful the book! And as you all know…I am ALL about the Operation Beautiful Mission.  I have submitted my fair share of Operation Beautiful notes on her page and still even keep some of them up around my house to remind myself everyday that I'm worth it! 

Caitlin asked that her readers submit their notes and stories and she would then choose 125 of these notes/stories to be in the book. So being the HUGE fan that I am of Operation Beautiful, I wrote up a little thing and attached my favorite Operation Beautiful Note, then sent it her way.  I figured it was a long shot, but why not try! 

Well…guess what?  She chose my story and note to be one of the entries in the book! I was so excited when I found out!  While writing this blog about my past struggles and current experiences I pray that in some way I might help someone see things a bit differently. I pray that perhaps my words may touch someone and help them become a smidge better, stronger and happier. I want so bad to help people realize that they have the power within themself to make a difference and they can make positive changes in their life. If people could only see how possible it is to make these changes and eliminate negativity from their life, they would jump on board immediately! I am so thankful for Caitlin and the opportunity she has given me to share my story with people from all walks of life! 

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to share my message just yet , so you'll have to buy the book to read it! It comes out in December 2010.  I can hardly wait!  I think I am going to give it as gifts to everyone I know….(and not because I'm in it) but because Operation Beautiful is a wonderful thing.

Did you know that more people are struggling with anorexia and bulimia than are fighting breast cancer? Did you know that most girls go on their first diet by the age of 8 years old? Operation beautiful is about stopping self hatred. Operation Beautiful is about accepting our self and loving our self despite our imperfections. Operation Beautiful is about believing in our self, encouraging our self, loving our self,  respecting our self and taking action to show our self that love and respect.  Operation Beautiful is about changing our inner dialogue and believing in who we are and who we will become.  Operation Beautiful is beautiful.

Foot Update
My food its still wacko! Yesterday around 7pm, it started to feel better…like a million times better! It still hurt but it was so minimal in comparison to earlier. I was so happy. A while later my calf muscle started to hurt. It was like it had a perma cramp.  I went to sleep and when I woke up this morning, the pain in my foot returned….really bad. Not quite as bad as yesterday but pretty darn close, and the entire back portion of my calf KILLS.  What the what?  I don't get it. I went to sleep with little pain and little swelling in my foot and woke up with a lot of pain and complete swelling.  I have no idea what is going on. I might need to visit the Doc. I had an awesome upper body workout last night that i'll share later today! 

Yesterday I mentioned I had a exciting Idea that I was brewing up….well I DO…BUT I'm not quite ready to let the cat out of the bag just yet. 

 BUT GUESS WHAT?

I do have some other really great  news!!  Remember my post a few weeks ago about "Counting Calories". If you didn't get a chance to read it, go back and read before you continue.

I thought a lot about that post and hoped that someone would give me some sort of great idea that would help me kick this annoying unhealthy(for me) habit. At the end of the day, I took a moment to re-read the comments and read what you had to say to me.

Emily from "Home Cooked Em" wrote:

" Try mentally counting for awhile and get away from putting it down on paper. You don't want to live writing down everything for the rest of your life."

Kelly form "Every Gyms Nightmare" left a  comment saying:

"ooo that totally used to be me. What i did was start by just counting at the end of the day- don't keep track during and then try and recall everything. Usually what would happen was i couldn't remember everything i had so i knew it wasn't accurate and eventually didn't see the point anymore. I also started focusing on the quality of my food as opposed to the quantity. start trying to hit all your food groups- it will give you something a little less obsessive to pay attention to, and you know you are eating healthy so you wont get so nervous about the calorie part."

There were a few others but these ones really stuck out to me. It's true, I don't want to be counting calories and tallying everything up on paper (or in my head) for the rest of my life. I had to try somthing different.  To be honest, before I wrote that post, I really didn't know what to do and I was kinda of afraid to try. I worried I would eat too much and gain weight or not be able to listen to my body. I was a bit weary to try what Kelly and Emily had suggested, but I decided to suck it up and give it a try.

The first day I thought about adding up my calories more times than I can count, but right before I'd do the addition in my head, I remembered their suggestions and told myself NO!  It was CRAZY how many times I wanted to add and re-add stuff during the day, but my goal to make it one day gave me motivation.  At the end of the first night I was a little scared to add it all up and see what my choices would equal.  To my HUGE SURPRISE I was exactly where I wanted to be. EXACTLY. I can't tell you how good it felt. I committed to continue to do this the next day.  And so I did, and the next, and the next.  It has now been 1 weeks since I have not tallied up my calories after each time I eat them. Not in my head, and not on paper! Halle freaking lujah!!  I've decided to tallying them at the end of the day, because I want to make sure I'm on track with where I want to be. I know that with enough practice I will be confident without ever tallying them at all!! Last night I after I mentally added up my daily total I couldn't help but get really EXCITED!! I have gone one week without obsessing over calories. I have eaten the foods I love, eaten when I've wanted to eat, and have been completely satisfied. 

One other AWESOME thing I've found is when I'm  hungry I eat, and when I'm not hungry I don't eat. ha ha Sounds simple right? Not for me…I could never grasp the idea of intuitive eating. I honestly didn't know how to recognize when I was or wasn't hungry. I was so used to eating at the time I planned to eat or when I had calories left to eat. I didn't know how to listen to my body and realize when it was hungry. There were so many times in my past where I would set a daily calorie allotment and at the end of the day if I still hadn't eating all of the calories I alloted, I would go ahead and eat them right up, whether I was hungry or not. I ate them just because I had them left to eat.  There has been more than one occasions in the past week where I have been done eating and counted up my daily total only to realize that I am so much lower than I I thought….and I'm full, no more food necessary. It didn't matter that I ate less that day because I chose healthy foods and I felt great.  If I would have been counting calories after each of those meal on those days, I would have eaten more….just because I hadn't reached my limit yet!

I can't tell you how excited I am right now. I don't ever in all my life remember feeling this in control of food and eating. It's like someone fixed the connection between my mind and body that has been broken for 10 years!!
I know I'm not an expert and 1 week of success does not equate to a lifetime, but I'm finally on the right track.  A track I don't ever remember being on!

I wish I could write some inspirational post about how you or people you know with an "ED" can do the same thing. I wish I could give you step by step instructions on how not to obssess over calories. But the truth is I don't know how to explain everything that led up to today. Last night I thought a lot about when I used to limit myself to a crazy low amount of calories, or when I used to binge eat, or when I made myself sick from exercising, and all the other unhealthy things I did. …….If I could go back in time, could I have helped me? Would I have listened? I bet fifty bucks the answer is no.  I wouldn't have listened, I couldn't have changed, I wouldn't have taken any action.  BUT WHY? 

Answer: I didn't love myself. I did not love myself and I did not believe in myself, and the worst part is I didn't even know it.

-blos·som: A period or condition of maximum development-

 If we don't already, we must develop a deep, love for ourselves. Inside and out.  I believe that when we treat ourselves with love and respect a seed in our soul begins to grow. If we continue to love, nourish and respect ourselves our souls will eventually blossom.

I'm sorry to talk about this same subject over and over, but its true and I have such a strong belief in it. Strength and power lies within us. We all have it, every single one of us.
I am so thankful for YOU and everyone in my life that has helped and continues to help my soul blossom.