We took Wednesday as a rest day and started Crossfit day 7 yesterday.  The workout went great and we ended up finishing it in about 30 minutes. It was tough, but not as tough as Days 1-5. We made sure to stretch real good afterwards because my back and Dave's hamstrings have been a little tight lately.  We got to talking and decided that we need to incorporate a warm up into our workouts.  Maybe the reason his hamstrings are tight is because we aren't getting our muscles good and warm before we do start.  Instead we have been jumping right in.  We plan on making time from now on for a short warm up before we go to town on the workouts, I really think it will help!

Workout #7

10 Squats
nat: 85lbs/Dave: 135lbs
20 Pullups
30 Sit ups
40yrds farmers crawl
Nat: 35lbs/ Dave: 120lbs

(4 sets of each)

I had to ask someone at the gym what a Farmers Walk was because i'd never heard of one and neither had Dave.  Some of these Crossfit workouts have you do some interesting things!!

I'm up super early right now 4:30am writing this, and it's even my day off! Don't worry, I'm going right back to sleep in a few minutes.  Dave got up at 4:00am to get to work early (he likes to do that so he can get off early…silly boy).  I got up with him and decided to get a few things done. When we used to go to they gym in the mornings, i'd still get up on my day off and go and then I'd come home clean and do whatever else I needed to and then go back to bed. When I woke back up, I had already worked out, cleaned and done a bunch of things…i really liked it. I think knowing I can sleep as long as I want afterwards makes it easy to get up and get things done!!

I'm so happy its Friday!! Dave and I are going to a Matinee this afternoon. We are going to see "The Truth About Lying" it looks really cute and I'm excited to see it!  Gosh, I love the weekend.  Everything is so different. Our schedules change completely!  Instead of waking up at 4:30am we sleep until 8 or 9 sometimes later on Sunday ha!  Instead of going to bed at 9 or 10, we stay up late (for us at least).  We eat out, we go out, we have fun and just let lose.  I feel free on the weekends, don't you???,….There are just so many lovely things about the weekend!!! Yay for weekends!!!

I'm ready to shut my little eyes so I must go! Hope you have an awesome weekend!!!

QA: Is your sleep schedule different on the weekends??

Yesterday I mentioned I had a exciting Idea that I was brewing up….well I DO…BUT I'm not quite ready to let the cat out of the bag just yet. 

 BUT GUESS WHAT?

I do have some other really great  news!!  Remember my post a few weeks ago about "Counting Calories". If you didn't get a chance to read it, go back and read before you continue.

I thought a lot about that post and hoped that someone would give me some sort of great idea that would help me kick this annoying unhealthy(for me) habit. At the end of the day, I took a moment to re-read the comments and read what you had to say to me.

Emily from "Home Cooked Em" wrote:

" Try mentally counting for awhile and get away from putting it down on paper. You don't want to live writing down everything for the rest of your life."

Kelly form "Every Gyms Nightmare" left a  comment saying:

"ooo that totally used to be me. What i did was start by just counting at the end of the day- don't keep track during and then try and recall everything. Usually what would happen was i couldn't remember everything i had so i knew it wasn't accurate and eventually didn't see the point anymore. I also started focusing on the quality of my food as opposed to the quantity. start trying to hit all your food groups- it will give you something a little less obsessive to pay attention to, and you know you are eating healthy so you wont get so nervous about the calorie part."

There were a few others but these ones really stuck out to me. It's true, I don't want to be counting calories and tallying everything up on paper (or in my head) for the rest of my life. I had to try somthing different.  To be honest, before I wrote that post, I really didn't know what to do and I was kinda of afraid to try. I worried I would eat too much and gain weight or not be able to listen to my body. I was a bit weary to try what Kelly and Emily had suggested, but I decided to suck it up and give it a try.

The first day I thought about adding up my calories more times than I can count, but right before I'd do the addition in my head, I remembered their suggestions and told myself NO!  It was CRAZY how many times I wanted to add and re-add stuff during the day, but my goal to make it one day gave me motivation.  At the end of the first night I was a little scared to add it all up and see what my choices would equal.  To my HUGE SURPRISE I was exactly where I wanted to be. EXACTLY. I can't tell you how good it felt. I committed to continue to do this the next day.  And so I did, and the next, and the next.  It has now been 1 weeks since I have not tallied up my calories after each time I eat them. Not in my head, and not on paper! Halle freaking lujah!!  I've decided to tallying them at the end of the day, because I want to make sure I'm on track with where I want to be. I know that with enough practice I will be confident without ever tallying them at all!! Last night I after I mentally added up my daily total I couldn't help but get really EXCITED!! I have gone one week without obsessing over calories. I have eaten the foods I love, eaten when I've wanted to eat, and have been completely satisfied. 

One other AWESOME thing I've found is when I'm  hungry I eat, and when I'm not hungry I don't eat. ha ha Sounds simple right? Not for me…I could never grasp the idea of intuitive eating. I honestly didn't know how to recognize when I was or wasn't hungry. I was so used to eating at the time I planned to eat or when I had calories left to eat. I didn't know how to listen to my body and realize when it was hungry. There were so many times in my past where I would set a daily calorie allotment and at the end of the day if I still hadn't eating all of the calories I alloted, I would go ahead and eat them right up, whether I was hungry or not. I ate them just because I had them left to eat.  There has been more than one occasions in the past week where I have been done eating and counted up my daily total only to realize that I am so much lower than I I thought….and I'm full, no more food necessary. It didn't matter that I ate less that day because I chose healthy foods and I felt great.  If I would have been counting calories after each of those meal on those days, I would have eaten more….just because I hadn't reached my limit yet!

I can't tell you how excited I am right now. I don't ever in all my life remember feeling this in control of food and eating. It's like someone fixed the connection between my mind and body that has been broken for 10 years!!
I know I'm not an expert and 1 week of success does not equate to a lifetime, but I'm finally on the right track.  A track I don't ever remember being on!

I wish I could write some inspirational post about how you or people you know with an "ED" can do the same thing. I wish I could give you step by step instructions on how not to obssess over calories. But the truth is I don't know how to explain everything that led up to today. Last night I thought a lot about when I used to limit myself to a crazy low amount of calories, or when I used to binge eat, or when I made myself sick from exercising, and all the other unhealthy things I did. …….If I could go back in time, could I have helped me? Would I have listened? I bet fifty bucks the answer is no.  I wouldn't have listened, I couldn't have changed, I wouldn't have taken any action.  BUT WHY? 

Answer: I didn't love myself. I did not love myself and I did not believe in myself, and the worst part is I didn't even know it.

-blos·som: A period or condition of maximum development-

 If we don't already, we must develop a deep, love for ourselves. Inside and out.  I believe that when we treat ourselves with love and respect a seed in our soul begins to grow. If we continue to love, nourish and respect ourselves our souls will eventually blossom.

I'm sorry to talk about this same subject over and over, but its true and I have such a strong belief in it. Strength and power lies within us. We all have it, every single one of us.
I am so thankful for YOU and everyone in my life that has helped and continues to help my soul blossom.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the most fattest of them all?

FLASHBACK

About a year ago Dave and I decided to spend an afternoon at the mall. I needed a new pair of jeans so we headed to the jean place first. I wanted to find a cheap pair because I "was not planning on staying at that size for long".  We both entered the store with smiles on our faces, I was happy to get a new pair of jeans, and Dave was happy that I was happy.  There were so many options to chose from, I hoped I'd find what I was looking for.  I grabbed a few pairs and Dave grabbed a few pairs and we headed back to the dressing room.  He waited out side while I stood in front of the mirror and undressed. I immediately rolled my eyes at myself and thought something negative. I tried on the first pair….and it didn't fit. They were too tight. I came out with a frown on my face . Dave was on eggshells as he awaited my response (he had been through this before). He waited for me to comment and after my response he sat still with a smile on his face afraid to say the wrong thing. I went back into the dressing room with a little bit of hope. I still had quite a few pairs to try on so I wasn't out of luck…yet.  I tried them on one by one, and one by one, I found something about my body that looked bad in the jeans. My butt looks big, my waist is  fat, my thighs are too big…on and on. Each time I looked in the mirror I would get more frustrated and more upset with myself. The more I tried on, the more upset I got. The negative thoughts flowed abundantly. After I tried on my final pair I had had it. I closed the dressing room door and started crying,I was really upset. Upset with the mirror, mad at the person looking in it, annoyed at the jeans, disgusted with my body, and some how bugged by my husband. Why my husband?? I honestly don't , my best guess is I needed someone to take it out on? I wiped away my tears, and changed into my old jeans. Red eyed and empty handed, we left the store.

Dave tried to cheer me up and tell me it was alright. He laughed and joked and tried to make me feel better. I didn't work. The rest of the afternoon was ruined (by me of course).  I was too upset to have fun. I felt fat, ugly, disgusting..did i mention fat?? I repeated these thoughts over and over in my mind. I believed them.  I didn't want to shop. I didn't want to do anything. My attitude was no fun, not to mention no good. Not for me and not for Dave.  We went home and I honestly can't remember what happened after that.

FLASH FORWARD

Last weekend I wanted a new pair of jeans.  Friday night Dave and I headed to the mall.  I had forgotten all about the incident above until we walked into the same jean store.  We picked out several pairs just as we had done 10 months before and I headed back to the dressing room. When I walked into the dressing room I looked in the mirror and admired my cute outfit.  I even threw myself a mental compliment. I tried on the first pair and they were skin tight.  I came out of the dressing room and showed them off to Dave prancing around the back area of the store being a nerd.  We laughed and both agreed that they were way too tight. I didn't care. I went back into the dressing room and looked into the mirror and before changing out of those skin tight skinny jeans I threw myself another compliment… "my calf's look great in these" (ya they were that tight). I took them off and tried on the next pair.  The next pair fit better than the last but still did not fit quite right. I showed Dave and he pointed out the area that didn't look right and I agreed. It didn't bother me. I went back into the dressing room to take them off and while doing so I looked in the mirror again.  A big smile came across my face as I remembered that day ten short months ago. I remembered how I felt and now how I feel. I remembered how I acted and now how I act. I remembered mentally beating myself up and now how I intentionally build myself up.  I remembered how I focused on only the negative and now how I only focus on the positive. This time when I looked in the mirror I saw a different person looking back. I saw someone strong, confident and happy.  After buying a super cute pair of jeans, Dave and I with smiles on our both faces walked out of the store and enjoyed the rest of the evening.   

Yesterday you may have read the email I sent Catlin, it was my experience with my first Operation Beautiful note.  
Here it is:

"I started out on my journey to healthy living a little over 10 months ago.  When I started trying to change I didn’t believe in myself, didn’t think I could do it, and it was ALL ABOUT the ". When I decided to make a change in my life and kick everything negative and unhealthy, I really tried to focus on positive thinking and telling myself things that I didn’t at first think were true.  

As time went on some of those things started to become easier and easier to say. I found your blog through Angela’s and then I found Operation Beautiful. I thought Operation Beautiful was such a great idea, and I knew from what I had been doing the few months before, that this would only add to my progress and help me truly believe in myself. Women are so hard on themselves and do not give themselves the credit they deserve!  

After posting my first Operation Beautiful note, I felt amazing. I felt strong and I believed what it had said. I knew that I was beautiful and that I did deserve to believe it, and anyone who read what I had wrote should feel the same way about themselves. It was me and only me who had been holding myself back all this time. I was my own worst enemy and I didn’t even know it.  

After I finally believed in myself, my life changed in every single way.  Operation Beautiful was a stepping stone for me and something I’ll always remember!" 

Girlies….this is so true. I can personally testify to this. You have to believe in yourself to make positive life changes. We should all believe, love, and respect ourselves. Although my story may be extreme, when compared with yours, I know every woman can relate on some level.

It is up to you. It is up to me.  It is up to all of us. WE must take the initiative. WE must grab a hold of ourselves and decide to take control. It all starts with YOU. There are millions of women out there who don't believe in themselves. Millions of women who are way too hard on themselves and have a negative self image. I want more than anything to take these women by the hand and tell them how beautiful they are, tel them they are worth it.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I challenge YOU, whether you are a positive Polly, a negative Nelly or an iggy in-between …Take a moment to think about your inner dialogue.  What message are you sending yourself? Your inner dialogue truly effects you who you are and who you will become. 

At the risk of you all thinking I'm a  complete nerd….I want you to say the following with me as you read.  
"I am worth it".  Did you say it?  Try again, this time out loud….ready on 3??1, 2, 3……  
"I AM WORTH IT"! " I AM WORTH IT"!!
It's true. You are worth it!  

Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all….YOU ARE and its about time you believe it!! xoxoxoxo

Leave a comment and tell me one thing you love about yourself!!